Friday, August 29, 2014

Bacon and Habanero Infused Vodka

Bacon and Habanero Infused Vodka
Adapted from Croce’s Restaurant & Jazz Bar.
6 strips of bacon
3 habanero chili peppers
2 serano chile peppers
1 liter good quality vodka (this is not exact)
Bacon and Peppers
Add strips of bacon to a dry, cold, large skillet.  Warm the skillet over low heat.  Cook bacon until crispy, flipping the bacon several times throughout the process.  Transfer cooked bacon to a paper towel lined plate and set aside to cool.
Remove the stems from each chili pepper and slice in half lengthwise.  Add peppers (with seeds) to a large, airtight jar.  Once cooled, add bacon to the same jar.  Fill the jar with vodka to cover the bacon and peppers.  Seal the jar and let steep for 7 days in the refrigerator.*
After 7 days, strain the vodka through a cheese cloth lined fine mesh basket strainer into a clean jar or bottle.  If you see any major particles floating in the vodka, strain a second time.  Discard the bacon and peppers.  Store in the refrigerator.
Makes 1 liter.
*  Letting the vodka steep with the chili peppers for 7 days will result in an extremely spicy infusion.  If you have a low heat tolerance, I would recommend steeping for a shorter period of time.  You can start tasting half way through and strain the infusion once you reach your desired heat level.  Keep in mind that this vodka will be used in a bloody mary.  You want it to be overly spicy because the tomato juice will turn down the heat level a bit.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Go Ahead, Try A Redhead....

Go Ahead, Try A Redhead....


I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife
The clerk was putting the finishing touches on my bouquet order
A young man burst through the door
He breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses
"I'm sorry," the clerk said
"This man just ordered our last bunch"
The desperate customer turned to me and begged
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided
"My wife's a redhead and I broke her hard drive!"

She Can't Sign On To The Internet!

The Confused RedHead

The Confused RedHead

Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out

When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"

Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125

Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree

Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel

Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Confused RedHead


The Confused RedHead



Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out

When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"

Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125

Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree

Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel

Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds

And The Redhead Said...

And The Redhead Said...


Q. What's safer, a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools

Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails

Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal

Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!

Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl

Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor

Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools

Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you

Never Question A Redhead

Never Question A Redhead 



Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something

Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds



Q. If you love a Redhead, set her free
A. If she follows you everywhere you go
Pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital
She's yours



Q. What's safer, a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools

Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails

Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal

Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!

Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl

Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor

Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools

Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you



Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy
One is to let her think she is having her own way
The other is to let her have it

Tell It To A Redhead If You Dare...

Tell It To A Redhead If You Dare...

The difference between a redhead and a blonde:
A redhead is a blonde from hell.

The difference betweena blonde and a redhead:
A blonde is a redhead with all the fire burned out of her.
 

Redheads are just blondes with high blood pressure

How can you tell if a redhead has been using your computer?
By the hammer embedded in the monitor.

What's a redhead's idea of the shortest way to a man's heart?
Through the breastbone.

You know what a red head is, right?


Do you know why Blondes have more fun?   
Because there is not enough Red Heads around. 

How do you start an argument with a redhead?
Say something.


A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were
watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead
replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde
gave the redhead the $50.

The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend".

The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".

So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so I can't take your money".

"Well, so did I", said the blonde, "but I never thought he'd jump again!"

 


Redhead Jokes


Redhead Jokes 


Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change? 
A. Wait 10 seconds. 

Q. What do you call a redhead with an attitude? 
A. Normal. 

Q. What do redheads make for dinner? 
A. Reservations. 

Q. Why do guys date blondes? 
A. All the redheads are taken. 

Q. How can you tell when a redhead has been using a finicky computer? 
A. There's a hammer embedded in the computer monitor. 

Q. Why aren't there more redhead jokes? 
A. Someone made the mistake of telling them to a redhead. 

Q. What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist? 
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist. 

Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you? 
A. Say something... 

Q. What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha? 
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools. 

Q. Why do redheads really like their hair color? 
A. It does the same thing for the men it does for the bulls. 

Q. Why didn't Indians scalp redheads? 
A. They knew better. 

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? 
A. A redhead. 

Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you? 
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl. 

Q. How many redheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A. One -- she holds the bulb while the world revolves around her. 

Q. What's the difference between a redhead and a barracuda? 
A. Nail polish. 

Q. What's the difference between a redhead and a pit bull? 
A. The pantsuit. 

Q. What's black-and-blue and lies on the sidewalk? 
A. A guy who tells too many redheaded jokes. 

Q. Why is it better to date a blonde than a redhead? 
A. You can ignore a blonde safely. 

Q. How do you remember a redhead's birthday? 
A. Forget it once. 

Q. How is a redhead like a tennis racquet? 
A. They're both high-strung. 

Q. What do redheads and razor-wire have in common? 
A. Handle both with care. 

Q. What do you call a redhead guy who works at a bakery? 
A. A ginger bread man! 

Q. What's shorter then an ant? 
A. A redhead's temper 

Seen inscribed on a tombstone: "Beneath this stone lies the guy who told that last bad redhead joke." 

Redheads are just blondes with high blood pressure. 

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy: 
One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. 

If you love a Redhead, set her free... 
If she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours. 

Have a great day

A BRUNETTE A RED HEAD AND A BLONDE WERE IN

A BRUNETTE A RED HEAD AND A BLONDE WERE IN ...


A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"

Redhead Jokes

REDHEAD JOKES

As a redhead, I have always collected redhead jokes. Here are a few of my favorites!
REDHEADS ARE FAMOUS FOR THEIR TEMPERS AND UNPREDICTABILITY...HOW FAMOUS?

Redheads don't sleep...they wait.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3?
A redhead.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, a redhead jumps out.

How sexy are redheads? A group of redheads once visited the 
Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

Redheads put the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

A cobra bit a redhead. After 5 days of excrutiating pain, the cobra died.

A redheads dog is trained to clean up its own poop, because a redhead refuses to take sh** off anyone!

If a redhead gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Death once had a near-redhead experience.

A redhead can have both feet on the ground and still kick your ass.

The only time a redhead was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.

A redheaded woman can make a paraplegic man run for his life...

Redheads don't have to use pick-up lines. They simply say, "Now."

Redheads don't play hide-and-seek. They play "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

A redheaded woman is so stubborn she can beat the sun at a staring competition.

A redhead is probably the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no such thing as gay men - only men who haven't met a sexy redheaded woman.

When redheads run with scissors, others will get hurt.

A redhead gave Mona Lisa that smile...
What do you call a redhead with attitude?
Normal.


What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A redhead!

Which is safer; a redhead or a piranha?
A Piranha. They only attack in schools.

What two things make a redhead happy?
Let her think she's having her way, then let her have it!

What is the redheads motto?
The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

What's the difference between a redhead and a pit bull?
Some people actually feel comfortable having a pit bull.

What's the difference between a blond and a redhead?
At least you can ignore the blond safely.

What's the difference between a redhead and a lawyer?
There are some things even lawyers wouldn't do to people...

What does a blond say after a party?
"Sure I'll go home with you."
What does a brunette say at a party?
"I wish that blond would leave."
What does a redhead say at a party?
"Next."

Why aren't there more redhead jokes?
Someone told them to a redhead.

Fear itself fears Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fears a redhead.

What's the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Why do blonds have more fun?
Because there aren't enough redheads to go around.

What do a redhead, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Every man should love a redhead once in his life...Twice if he survives!

What is the difference between a blond and a redhead?
A blond does what you tell her to do. A redhead tells you what to do.

Good girls say thanks for dinner. Redheads say "What's for breakfast?"



When a redhead goes to get a cavity filled, anesthesia is applied to the dentist.

Redheads donate blood to the Red Cross. Just not their own.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are 3 sides to the force: the Light side, the Dark side, and the Redheaded side.

Redheads are so feisty, they drink napalm to quell their heartburn.

Redheads do not use spell check. If they misspell a word, Oxford simply changes it.

Scientists have conceded that in the event of a nuclear war, cockroaches and redheads will be the only survivors.

There are no disabled men. Only those who once dated a redhead.

If you trust a beautiful redhead, she trusts you. If you do not trust her, you could be seconds away from death.

Redheads can slam revolving doors.

Prescription Julep


Prescription Julep


INGREDIENTS

  • 10 mint leaves
  • 1 tablespoon Simple Syrup (click for recipe)
  • 3 tablespoons VSOP Cognac
  • 2 tablespoons rye whiskey
  • 4 mint sprigs

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

One serving contains:
  • Calories (kcal) 257.2
  • %Calories from Fat 0.0
  • Fat (g) 0.0
  • Saturated Fat (g) 0.0
  • Cholesterol (mg) 0
  • Carbohydrates (g) 26.7
  • Dietary Fiber (g) 0
  • Total Sugars (g) 25.0
  • Net Carbs (g) 26.7
  • Protein (g) 0.0
  • Sodium (mg) 3.1

PREPARATION


  • Lightly muddle mint leaves and Simple Syrup in a mixing glass. Stir in Cognac and whiskey. Fill a Julep cup or glass with crushed ice. Pour mixture over. Stir until frost forms on outside of cup. Add more crushed ice to make a mound. Garnish with mint sprigs and serve with a straw.

Maple Rye Sour

Maple Rye Sour

It can sometimes be difficult to make a good rye cocktail because rye whiskey is so spicy and can throw off the balance of a drink.  This complex drink successfully combines sweet, spicy, herbal, and sour flavors.

Maple Rye Sour
2 oz. Rye whiskey
½ oz. Lemon juice
½ oz. Orange juice
¼ oz. Maple syrup
¼ oz. Amaro

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake to combine and chill.  Strain into a lowball glass.

The rye whiskey tickles the tip of the tongue followed by the smooth sweetness of maple and the sour fruit juices mid-palate.  The amaro adds an herbal, bitter roundness to the drink.  We didn’t have the specific type of amaro called for, but we really like the homemade version that a friend made.  This cocktail is delicious and one we’ll return to often (when we drink rye instead of bourbon).

BOURBON SLUSH

BOURBON SLUSH


yield: 10 to 12 servings
 
prep time: 30 minutes
 
total time: 6 to 8 hours

INGREDIENTS:

9 cups water
2 cups granulated sugar
1 (12-ounce) can frozen orange juice concentrate
1 (12-ounce) can frozen lemonade concentrate
2 cups bourbon
Fresca, Sprite or 7UP for serving

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a large pot, bring the water and sugar to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to low and simmer the mixture for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and allow to cool to room temperature.
2. Add the orange juice and lemonade concentrates to the simple syrup, and stir to combine. Add the bourbon and again stir to combine. Transfer the mixture to a large freezer-proof container and freeze for at least 8 hours.
3. When ready to serve, fill glass halfway with the slush, then top it off with your carbonated beverage of choice.

SWEET WHISKEY LEMONADE

SWEET WHISKEY LEMONADE
PREP TIME: 5 MINUTES
YIELD: 2
INGREDIENTS
  • 2 oz triple sec (I like Cointreau when I can find it on sale)
  • 2 oz whiskey (I used Bushmills Irish Whiskey)
  • 1 and 1/2 oz lemon juice
  • 2/3 oz lime juice
  • 1 tsp. granulated sugar (super fine sugar is best, but regular baking sugar will do)
  • 1/2 tsp. apricot preserves
  • 3 oz. tonic water
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. In a shaker, combine all ingredients except tonic water with ice and shake well. Fill two glasses with ice and strain half of the drink mixture into each glass.
  2. Top each glass off with 1 and 1/2 ounces of tonic water. Serve immediately.

Fruity Old Fashioned

Fruity Old Fashioned


INGREDIENTS

  • 2 sugar cubes
  • 4 dashes of Angostura bitters
  • 1 lemon wheel
  • 1 lime wheel
  • 1 orange wheel
  • 1 maraschino cherry
  • 1/2 teaspoon grenadine
  • 1/4 cup bourbon or rye whiskey
  • Club soda
  • Ginger ale

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

1 serving contains:
  • Calories (kcal) 200
  • Fat (g) 0
  • Saturated Fat (g) 0
  • Cholesterol (mg) 0
  • Carbohydrates (g) 17
  • Dietary Fiber (g) 1
  • Total Sugars (g) 12
  • Protein (g) 0
  • Sodium (mg) 0




PREPARATION


  • Drop sugar cubes in a rocks glass; sprinkle with bitters and add citrus wheels, cherry, and grenadine. Using a muddler or the handle of a wooden spoon, mash just to release fruit juices and oils. Add bourbon. Fill glass with ice cubes; stir to combine. Top with equal parts club soda and ginger ale.

SEVEN AND SEVEN

ABOUT THE SEVEN AND SEVEN COCKTAIL

Together they make 14—and a sweet, sparkling whiskey drink.

INGREDIENTS IN THE SEVEN AND SEVENCOCKTAIL

  • 1.5 oz Seagram’s Seven Crown Whiskey
  • 4 oz 7UP
Glass:Highball

HOW TO MAKE THE SEVEN AND SEVENCOCKTAIL

Add both ingredients to a highball glass filled with ice and stir gently.

BOURBON SWEET TEA

BOURBON SWEET TEA

INGREDIENTS
3 cups water
½ cup sugar
2 or 3 black tea bags
1 lemon, sliced into wedges
1 lime, sliced into wedges
1 orange, sliced into wedges
1 cup bourbon
Lemon wheels for garnish
INSTRUCTIONS
To make the tea: Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Pour the sugar water into a jar, add the tea bags, and let steep for 5 to 10 minutes, depending on how strong you want your tea. (If you like your tea very strong, leave the bags in the tea for longer.)
Remove the tea bags and add the lemon, lime, and orange wedges. Pour in the bourbon. Cover the jar and chill.
Serve in small glasses and garnish with thin lemon wheels.